


fade into the night

by fromthemoon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Break Up Talk, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Keiji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-10-21 16:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromthemoon/pseuds/fromthemoon
Summary: keiji should have been screaming bloody murder at bokuto for  suggesting they break up, and bokuto should look less in love. but that's not applicable, because keiji doesn't want to waste his energy into shouting useless things, and bokuto, bokuto's whole life purpose is probably to be in love with keiji.or, the five times bokuto attemps to break up with akaashi, and the one time it happens.





	1. nothing to doubt

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a song called 214!
> 
> you don't have to listen to it for the fic but it's a very nice song, so do listen if you have time!

the first time he says it, keiji dismisses him.

a light layer of snow rested on the concrete outside the door to the fukurodani gates, cool breeze blowing through the fingertips peeking out of bokuto's volleyball club jacket. they've just hit the beginnings of the cold season and almost the four month mark since they declared their relationship official. bokuto mentions it just before they start walking outside the school's premises and keiji isn't even taken aback.

bokuto frowns, and then he doesn't speak yet. keiji patiently waits for him and only moves closer when the older boy hasn't said a single word in the three minutes and thirty seconds they had been standing. akaashi is about to speak until bokuto interrupts him before he can even open his mouth.

"i think we should break up," he looks straight into akaashi's eyes and waits, speaking up again when he doesn't.

"it's just that- i think you're really too good for me, and you always have to put up with me, and i saw how frustrated everyone else gets and i thought that since you spent the most time with me, wouldn't you be burdened the most? so i think we should break up."

he doesn't watch for keiji's reaction to his words, instead looking away, formulating different scenarios for how this would go. there are a few many of them, one involving a cruel and bitter voice that is not keiji, but also maybe it is keiji, telling him _'yes, i agree,'_ and there's another one where the earth starts to crumble and they are suddenly separated by a sudden crack in the ground forming, thus revealing the molten lava interior of the earth and it makes him think that _'fuck what if these are the last words i say to him'_ and then he's about to say something else, he wants to take it all back.

in all honesty, he doesn't know which outcome he prefers but he secretly hopes for the one scenario where keiji drops to his knees and cries like he's in a korean drama, even though knowing his soon-to-be ex boyfriend isn't the type to do such a thing but, well, imagining it is enough. he thinks he's spent quite a long bout of time thinking up several circumstances, but he checks the watch on keiji's wrist, and oh, it hasn't even been two minutes.

and so he waits again as keiji blinks once at him, instead of the outright agreement or sudden earthly catastrophe he'd predicted, bokuto is the one taken by surprise.

"no, bokuto-san," is what all he says in response.

there's a deafening silence, lasting for a few seconds. bokuto looking at keiji with the softest feeling in his eyes, a particular look that the older only gives him, the look that reassures keiji of all his doubts and the sole reason why he doesn't question bokuto's feelings for him at all. the silence goes on, but it's not uncomfortable. 

keiji feels the warmth of his love for his boyfriend in his heart, and he can feel bokuto's love for him radiate from his aura.

the whole scene should be unusual, keiji should have been screaming bloody murder at bokuto for ever suggesting they break up, and bokuto should look less in love. but that's not applicable for either of them, because keiji doesn't want to waste his energy into shouting useless things, and bokuto, bokuto's whole life purpose is probably to be in love with keiji. or so he thinks.

the awkward silence lingers, until it doesn't.

a cheerful "okay! let's go home now!" echoes throughout the streets, one of them sporting a skip in their step as if nothing had ever happened. keiji's hand in bokuto's, they walk home together a happy and very much in love, not broken up couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah ok i wrote this a few nights ago. whew anyway yeah rivermaya's 214! listen!
> 
> if u wanna, come scream with me abt bokuaka on twt-- @akaashiclub


	2. you should know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keiji is having a bad day.

it's raining hard. keiji's having a bad day.

as the day starts, he wakes up to his phone's alarm, too loud and obnoxious, and not in the way he likes it. jolting out of bed with a sigh, he readies to stand on the floor only to feel a gross substance at his bare feet. he looks down and wishes he hadn't because, there lying beneath his right foot is the ugliest creature keiji's ever known to exist, or at least the remnants of it. the pressure of his weight killed the disgusting insect, with its insides stuck on his heel. standing up, he limped towards the bathroom in order to avoid feeling the wetness on his foot.

on the way there, he bumps his toe (and on the clean foot too) and keiji prays to every god that the misfortune will stay only in the morning.

it does not, in fact, go away. but that doesn't surprise keiji. what surprises him more is the fact that bokuto is nowhere to be seen, and oh. that's right.

bokuto's at university now.

when it hits him, it’s during lunch break, where he’s already walked and seated by the railings at their building’s rooftop. he casually waits for a couple of minutes, for some loud interruption of his peaceful eating, the very familiar _hey, hey, akaashi!_ keiji always waits for. but it isn’t there, it never comes, and he waits for it until he’s halfway finished with his food. and then he frowns.

 

that’s right, bokuto’s not coming today, because he’s an hour away probably listening to a lecture, or whatever it is university students do. keiji rolls his eyes internally at the thought of his boyfriend even attempting to sit through a whole lecture, and he almost smiles, except that he remembers. he remembers that he’s alone, and the only loud and obnoxious thing he ever liked in his life is missing. in all honesty, he thinks he shouldn’t be this dramatic, but whatever, he’s had a bad morning. his feelings are valid.

 

and so the rest of the day goes by the same way it started off. miserable and uncomfortable, and most of all, very lonely. it’s not that keiji didn’t have friends within school, it’s that he doesn’t have any best friends, because his only real best friend is his boyfriend and once again, as much as keiji’s heart gets sad by the mere thought of it, he remembers that said boyfriend is far away.

 

it hits him, very suddenly, that bokuto has not texted him yet. keiji looks at his phone and checks his inbox for any missed texts.

 

**[11.23 pm from: kou]** love u <333

**[11.20 pm from: kou]** hoot back keiji

**[11:18 pm from: kou]** hoot

 

he frowns. bokuto hasn’t even texted him at all, which leaves him to wonder if the boy was in danger, or maybe just caught up in the beginnings of university life. either way, even if he didn’t want it to, it upset him a significant amount, bokuto not updating at least once throughout the day.

 

when keiji gets home, he throws himself onto the bed and contemplates on calling his boyfriend. he spends approximately 10 minutes weighing out the pros and cons of said action, finally deciding on calling because bokuto can’t have a lecture at 5pm… right?

 

right.

 

bokuto answers before the third ring could sound itself out, but what makes keiji surprised is the lack of energy from him.

 

“hey, hey, ‘kaashi,” his name almost sounds like a sigh and it worries him.

 

“bokuto-san… are you feeling alright? you haven’t messaged me today, and you sound very out of it right now,” he hears a faint choked sound. “is everything okay?”

 

and then like a broken dam, bokuto floods and spills.

 

“it’s just… keiji, you love me right?” and though he can’t see him, keiji nods, “and i love you. very much. but i don’t think you should love me anymore.”

 

“what?”

“well, i… i’ve thought about it. do i really make you happy? i get the feeling i’m just holding you back right now, me being away and you being right there, the distance feels so infuriating because i want you with me always but then again, you don’t deserve that, right?” keiji doesn’t get it, but he makes a sound of disapproval anyway. bokuto lets out a weak chuckle.

 

“c’mon keiji, be logical. you’re the one who’s the best at that between the two of us. you have so many admirers, who were just either scared of me so they didn’t confess at all, or they’re just really weak but here’s what i know, i know they deserve you more than i do.”

 

and it clicks. keiji lets out a sad sigh.

 

“koutarou,” he starts.

 

“i believe it’s the other way around. you are the one between us that’s in a new area, with new people, and more chances of learning things that are new, correct?” bokuto says a weak yes, “then it should be me worried about holding you back.”

 

“i for one don’t care about whoever or whatever may want to court me, because here’s the thing, kou,” keiji softens his voice.

 

“if i had to go back in time, i would keep accepting your confession, no matter how many times i go back.”

 

it’s silent for a few seconds, but bokuto breaks the silence with a whine.

 

“aw, damn it, keiji! that was so cool.” he almost hears the pout in bokuto’s voice. “you’re sure you love me? that i’m not holding you back from anything… or anyone?”

 

keiji smiles.

 

“i’d love you even if i wasn’t allowed to.”

 

“so we aren’t breaking up?”

 

“no, kou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ok so!! i don't really have things planned out for this, i just write as i get inspo! so apologies for future mistakes and for my grammar, because i'm too busy to check any errors!!
> 
> hope u all enjoy this second part, third one comes out tomorrow! chapter title is from 214 (the song that the fic revolves around)
> 
> scream w/ me about bokuaka on twt @akaashiclub


	3. you shan't cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keiji fights, and he fights not because he knows things but because he loves too much that it makes him lose control for a slight second.

keiji has always loved the rain.

when he was younger, his mother had told him that he loved the pouring rain so much that every moment the sun shined after drizzle, keiji would immediately shut out everything that might have let the sunlight seep in the corners of his house. he loved the rain so much that it became a habit of his to turn his back during most bright, overly shining experiences in his life.

keiji has always loved the rain and he’s loved it the most whenever all signs of sunshine had been kept away, hidden in the dark clouds. he loved it the most whenever the lightning and the thunder roared and rolled all over the cloudy grey skies, when the downpour started to hit the roof of his home and how the raindrops took turns into trickling down his window, how keiji made the raindrops race, which one of them would be the first to reach the bottom of his window. 

he loved the rain more and more, with every single _little thing_ it brought into his life. the strong winds that pushed through the windows, the trees, and plants, the darkness and greying atmosphere of the whole environment he was in, all the small sounds that every single drop of rain would make when falling on rooftops, or concrete, or wood. keiji loved every single thing the rain brought into his life.

most of all, it brings him a sense of peace and serenity. for people who find comfort in the brightness of the sun, keiji was the opposite, finding the safest feeling in the cold and dark. for the longest time, he had never liked the feeling of sun shining down on him.

that is, until bokuto came.

and just like the rain had those moments where it crashes down onto every single surface on earth, bokuto had done the same to keiji’s life, only without the cold, the water, and the misty feeling he always got. bokuto came crashing down into keiji’s life just like a rainstorm at its peak, just like a ball being spiked straight to the floor.

keiji had loved the rain. he had loved bokuto all the same. but life, one way or another, always other plans.

on a bright day in the middle of june, akaashi keiji walked down the streets of his hometown, hands at his sides and a slight hum escaping his lips. it was the same route he had taken every time bokuto had insisted on walking him home, the same route he walked every single day even when bokuto was too far away to walk him to his home. it had been routine, and routine is always hard to break.

the sun was shining, a big inconvenience to keiji and his lack of umbrella. he supposes it was better rather than walking in his beloved rain, umbrella-less, he supposes that it is a hundred percent impossible for rain to come crashing down on him by chance, and so he takes his time walking. the weather forecast had declared sunny skies and minimal clouds, so keiji was relieved.

he’s about five minutes away from his house when it comes down on him.

first, he thinks it’s only his illusion. mayhaps the hatred towards the sun and its unbearable heat had made him become delusional and had made his brain wish to think it was starting to rain. or maybe someone had been gardening, that he hadn’t noticed, and their sprinklers or water hoses had splashed a bit of water on him.

second, he thinks that he’s still being delusional when he sees a tall figure running in his direction, he thinks that maybe he misses bokuto too much that he’s starting to go crazy and his mind had taken up an interest in imagining himself with two of the things he loved the most: rain and bokuto. and though the sunshine is bordering on being literally blinding, bokuto always shines brighter.

keiji doesn’t believe that bokuto is standing in front of him, even when the former fukurodani captain is shining right in front of him (shining brighter than the actual fucking sun) and blinding keiji a little bit more.

and there is something wrong, because bokuto is stuttering and he is awfully a lot more clumsy than he is usually, and he falters at one point, during his whole ‘i miss you so much’ monologue, and keiji notices it. of course he does, it’s bokuto after all. but after a particularly boring day and days lacking of bokuto, keiji decides to savor every single damn second.

they go to where they usually did before, to an owl cafe, to the street filled with vendors of street food and other budget friendly snacks, even going as far as to stopping by a nearby park and playing volleyball with younger kids, half due to bokuto’s pleading and half because keiji missed setting for his past-ace, and during the part where they part at the intersection, the midpoint between the train station and keiji’s home. keiji savored every single second of the day.

even that one second where bokuto lets go of keiji’s hand as quickly as possible and leaves him again, even that one second where bokuto doesn’t even take one more look back at keiji with the bright teethy smile and one last _i love you!_ and even that whole night where bokuto failed to even tell keiji that he’s gotten to his dorms or whatnot.

keiji savors the message he receives at 11:58 pm, and he’s lying if he says he didn’t cry before sending a message of disagreement. because there were tears shed, but keiji has to be the strong one, right?

**[11.58 pm from: kou]** i hope you had fun today. if you did have lots of fun… i was hoping it could be your last memory of me?

keiji has to be the strong one.

and so he disagrees and puts up a fight, even when it hurts, even when he doesn’t know why bokuto even said it, even if he doesn’t know anything but a life with bokuto in it. keiji fights, and he fights not because he knows things but because he loves too much that it makes him lose control for a slight second.

keiji has to be strong, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel any hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> terribly dorry for the lateness... have been busy and SICK (i am until now) but i hope u all doing fine
> 
> THANK U FOR READING MWAH


	4. time may pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how he wished on all the constellations and twinkling lights that lie above him.

time is consistent. it’s always passing, always going by even as everything around all of us changes every single day, time does not. it goes by, sometimes unnoticed, like a forgotten notebook covered with the thickest sheet of dust, likely in moments where it’s the most vital or where it’s not needed. time doesn’t change.

 

but, as keiji discovers, time has the ability to change things.

 

with every movement of the hands of time, things begin to or are already changing. time passes by, seconds going into minutes, minutes passing to hours, hours becoming days, and days becoming several weeks. in even the shortest split of a second, the possibility of big things not being as they used to be is highly likely.

 

with passing time, seasons change. the leaves turn from green, to golden, to red, and to withering and growing back again. the sun shines on, flowers beginning to bloom just as soon as their petals start to die and flutter against the concrete. and even though flowers bloom at a rather slow pace, it still is change.

 

and as flowers progress within a slow range of time, some things do not. the simplest shower of droplets during a rainstorm could happen within a number of minutes, seconds. the same with shooting stars and meteor showers, things that may as well have no sense of time from how fastly paced their change progresses.

 

it’s quiet, where keiji stays on the grass. the bright glow on his cellphone shows him it’s a little past two in the morning, a short reminder for him that he’s been staring at the sky for a total of an hour and twenty three minutes, that it’s been an hour and twenty three whole minutes since his realizations concerning time. there’s a feeling at the back of his head saying he should go home, go rest because he terribly needs it, but keiji defies it.

 

in him, there’s a nagging feeling that wants him to stay, only for the sole reason of wanting to prove a point. to who, he doesn’t exactly know. maybe to himself, maybe to his boyfriend, or maybe to the stars who twinkle above him and his miserable self. or maybe keiji just wants to pretend that time is something that doesn’t exist, because if it didn’t, then maybe he wouldn’t be hurting as much as he is at the moment.

 

he rethinks the decisions he’s made for the past three years of his life, thinking of how all his choices lead up to where he is right now, as if he were in an interactive simulation. he laughs bitterly to himself, _oh if this were only a game,_ he thought,  _it wouldn't hurt this much if it were._

 

he remembers the moments he slowly fell for bokuto. what everyone thought was instantly love at first sight, was actually the complete opposite. the only thing that was quick about the first moments he shared with the spiker was the way keiji instantly thought that this person would be the one he’d admire, the _senpai_  he’d be loyal to without a doubt. (even if he wouldn’t admit it.)

 

like a flower blooming, his love for bokuto was as beautiful and mesmerizing. similar to the petals of a flower blossoming, he slowly opened up, slowly let his true colors seep out and present itself to bokuto. his love for bokuto was something to be taken into deep consideration, like an array of flowers fit for the front displays of shops. and bokuto, he was as patient with keiji as he is energetic, taking care of keiji even if he had no obligations to. their love was like one of a bouquet meant to be for only the sweetest and most intimate gifts.

 

where there was a period of blooming for both of them, for growing into stronger, sturdier people, there was also a moment where they withstood the different seasons. from the beautiful, refreshing spring that highlighted the shyest parts of their relationship, to the sweltering heat brought by the summer, heated arguments and unpleasant intensities thrown at each other, or the serene and calming fall, where they learned to embrace the coldness and hotness from each other, a perfect balance and perfect amount of intimacy to be shared with each other, and to where they stand as of the moment.

 

an overwhelmingly chilling winter season, with heaps and heaps of emotions and unspoken words piling on like relentless snow. and the same way issues and problems had risen up in a mountain, as did tears disguised s snowflakes fell on the tops of keiji’s sharp cheekbones.

 

as these seasons passed by them through years and years, it never was of importance to keiji how time would affect them. to him, it was nothing but a reminder that humanity’s days are numbered, that things have limits. until the time that it took for their love to bloom was struck down by the hurried moment that their love, like flowers who’ve outlived their expectancies, had began to see its petals fall apart, going downward.

 

it was then that keiji realized, rather than time being by his side, than being his benefit to all of this, time was the single reason they were starting to break apart in tiny pieces.

 

_i’m sorry, keiji, i don’t have time to go home._

 

_kou, you’re late again._

 

_damn it, keiji, can’t you spare me at least a minute of your time?_

 

_it’s five in the morning, please don’t bother me, koutarou._

 

_keiji, i need time._

 

time. fucking time. an hour and fourty five minutes of staring up at the sky. what was he even expecting? that the sky would stop time for him, that whoever the hell was up there would take mercy on him and his goddamned suffering soul and rewind back to the moments where he felt like he was the one who had done wrong, no that’s not what he expected at all.

 

the amount of time it took for them to build what they had for the past years into something that imitated, or was hypothetically, the definition of perfection for the two of them, all that time wasted. all that time beat out by a sharp turn as quick as a shooting star in the clearest of night skies. keiji laughs bitterly, once again. stars, huh. how he wished on all the constellations and twinkling lights that lie above him, how he screamed internally for someone to give him his light back. but, as misfortune seems to follow in his wake, there are no shining stars in this empty night.

 

keiji looks at the moon, a bit dimmer than it usually is. keiji almost wants to scream at it, as if it would give back his koutarou by any chance.

 

before he can even do so, his phone makes its presence known with a new message, with a familiar ringtone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after two months... I'm so sorry. I was caught up in bsd and several other matters, and this chapter was born out of something similar to an epiphany. so I apologise if it seems weird or anything like that!!
> 
> thank u so much for reading!! catch me on twt [@rashuomn](https://twitter.com/rashuomn) if u want bokuaka+bsd screaming content mwa


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